Stepmom insists 16-year-old stepson calls her mom and lets her adopt him after being married to his dad for 1 year, gets offended when he refuses: 'I already have a mom'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 7, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

It is no easy task taking on the role of a step-parent. Not only do you face the challenge of learning to live happily with your partner and make peace with their ex, but you also have to take care in your relationship with their kids as well. Assuming that they haven't reached adulthood yet, this can be a difficult process of figuring out how you can best be a presence in their lives and homes without upsetting anybody, and ideally build a mutually appreciative relationship.

Of course, one look at many blended families will tell you that it doesn't work out this way a lot of the time. Some people want nothing less than having to parent somebody else's kids, and others are far too eager to create a dynamic that takes a lot of time to nurture. It goes without saying that in these situations, the children often suffer most. 

 

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    via nrd

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  • This is exactly the situation that one teenager found himself stuck in with his dad's new partner, whom he had been married to for a year. For her birthday, his father's wife requested that he start calling her mom and that she could adopt him to be her third child alongside her twin sons.

    The 16-year-old immediately refused, as he felt that his own mom was still present enough in his life that it would be wrong to proceed with this, even if his dad had raised him as a single parent for several years. His dad and stepmom weren't happy, and he wanted to know if he had been too forceful in asserting his boundaries.

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    via Allen Taylor

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my dad's wife I'm sorry, but she's not my mom?

    I (16M) was the product of what is pretty much a friend with benefits type relationship between my dad (at the time 33) and my mom (at the time 22.) My mom didn't want to be a mom. Yet my dad didn't want my mom to ab t. From what little I have been told there was an agreement. My mom would leave, my dad would raise me on his own but if she wanted to, she could come back into my life whenever.
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    The first 7 years of my life were just my dad and I. He didn't date any other woman; it was just us two and his family. I remember my mom would send me gifts on my Birthday and Christmas with letters attached. I remember members of her family doing the same. When I turned 7, my mom came back. I started spending time with her. She would take me to parks, zoos, and aquariums etc. I also met her family. I loved this, although I now know my dad didn't like the fact that my mom randomly showed up out
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    There was no conflict due to this situation at all until when I was 14, my dad met a new woman. I will call "A" for this. A and my dad started dating when I was 14, married when I was 15. A brought her twins (15M for both) from her previous relationship into her marriage with my dad. I have a good relationship with both my stepbrothers. I have a decent relationship with A but 2 things always bugged me. 1. How my dad seemed to rush into marrying A (he proposed to her 3 months into their relations
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    That's the context of all of this. We're a year into Dad and A's marriage. A's birthday is coming up. All of us bought her a gift but she says she doesn't like physical ones and also said she wants a more "verbal gift" from me. Last night at dinner I learned what this was. She asked me if I say yes to letting her adopt me so she could be my mom. Of course it caught me off guard. I said no, I already have a mom. A doesn't like the fact I talk to my actual mom still, and she said that she's my mom
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    Commenters assured him he had done nothing wrong.

    deathbyslience She's only been around for how long and she wants to call your mom a part time mom? Lol. Projection much? Edit: Shes been there for an eighth of ops life. She should try and see where she can fit, not shoving a square peg through thr round hole (Besides, we all know its all going into the square hole)
    via deathbyslience
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    throwawaydontunderst OP I think it's because my actual mom used to only see me on weekends for the longest time. She has her own business now that makes her busy so I'm lucky to see here once every two weeks. I do text her everyday though. She checks up on me all the time via text but again it's only once in a while I get to hang out with her in person. Meanwhile A is someone I see everyday. This doesn't change anything. My mom is my actual mom. A is still new to me.
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    deathbyslience I totally agree with you. A seems really pushy trying to force a mother/son relationship where there isn't one.
    via deathbyslience
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    Moonstone_Goddess_ As a single mom, I see so many red flags here. I would like to say first that I respect your mother for knowing that she didn't want kids and saying that up front and putting up boundaries. I also understand why your dad doesn't like her coming in and out of your life as she does. This is not to bad mouth any of your parents. People can only do their best. On the other hand, your stepmom needs to chill. If I were to come into a child's life at 14, there's no way I would ever e
    via Moonstone_Goddess_
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    I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Maybe you could've been kinder, idk how the conversation went, but that was a totally unreasonable expectation. Whether you call her mom is your choice and no one else's. Your relationship with your mother is between you and your mother and no one else is allowed to interfere with that unless there's a safety concern. Your stepmom and your dad will just have to deal with it. Their feelings are theirs and not your responsibility. Maybe, as a solution
    via Moonstone_Goddess_
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    Original-Dragonfly 78 You're right. Knowing a head of time is better. Knowing and admitting it are 2 different things. Not many will admit it. Divorced father of 3 sons. Their mother hasn't called them. Don't know if she texts them. I how she does. They haven't asked to see her or asked me to bring them down to see her. Dated a woman with 2 kids. I made an effort to be present. I showed up. I was not there every day, but they knew I was there and would help them. Some people are not parents even
    via Original-Dragonfly78
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    Terra88draco NTA No one has the right to dictate how you identify the people in your life. A is not your mom. She is your father's wife. End of discussion. Your father has always wanted a picture of family that he didn't get with your mom. And has probably festered deep down internally. With A coming into the picture he thought he could rewrite reality to his ideal. Forgetting thst his son is his own person with thoughts and feelings. "A and father, I'm sorry that both of you are upset with the
    via Terra88draco
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    And unfortunately your reactions are ruining any chance we had at forming a healthy and respectful relationship where I could have seen A as more than just Father's wife. But now that chance is gone. I am a person with my own thoughts and feelings. Just because they misaligned to your hopes and expectations doesn't mean I am the villain. I am a child. I not responsible for how you handle this. Please understand I wasn't trying to be ride. But when push comes to shove I will stand my ground. Op"
    via Terra88draco
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    EllySPNW Wow, this is excellent. This would be such a mature way to deal with the immature adults in OP's life. If OP wanted to end this on a hopeful note, he could add: "I'm truly glad for you guys that you've found happiness together. Even though A came into my life too late for me to consider her to be my mom, I would like to consider her a friend. I'm open to spending time together and building a friendship we're both comfortable with." Granted this message should have come from A, who's sup
    via EllySPNW
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    KaliTheBlaze NTA. This is classic pushy stepparent behavior. It's great that A is warm and caring and wants to treat you in a motherly way. What she doesn't seem to understand is that you can't force relationships or love. All you can do is show up and put yourself out there and let the relationship naturally grow. Maybe it would have eventually become parental if she'd done that; given your age, it's more likely that she would have become a reliable trustworthy and loved adult you know you can
    via KaliTheBlaze
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    Zorbie NTA. She tried to use her birthday as a bargaining chip to get you to agree to something you're not interested in, thats really manipulative. Also this is something your birth mother should know about if she has an agreement in place with your dad about how custody of you works. You are a human with feelings, just because they are inconvenient for your father and stepmother doesn't mean they get to scold you for them, and her being so dismissive of your birth mother's role in your life wh
    via Zorbie
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    MistySky1999 ΝΤΑ. But INFO: I'm curious. Is your Dad asking her children to call him Dad too? If so, how are they reacting? If not, why not?
    via MistySky1999
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    throwawaydontunderst OP I haven't seen my dad ask my stepbrothers to call him dad.
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    RI_bells NTA - A is very pushy and it's quite weird, your dad is an a_h_le for not standing up to his wife and defending you.
    via Rl_bells
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    Petalwhisperrrr Your feelings are completely valid, and you have the right to decide who you consider your mom.
    via Petalwhisperrrr
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    Rimanen NTA I'm a stepdad for a 9yo girl, met her mom 8 years ago. Her dad lives in another country so he is really not in the picture. I would never have the audacity to ask or demand for her to call me dad or to say that she loves me. I try deserve it and if she one day wants to call me dad I would be honored, proud and probably cry like a middle- aged man. I hate it when step-parents demand love from step-children, why can't they just act like they deserve it? Same goes for genetic parents.
    via Rimanen
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    PastorBlinky NTA - This is just some straight-up bad parenting... from everyone. Sometimes all you can do is pledge to grow up and do better than them. Sounds like you're the only grownup in the mix right now.
    via PastorBlinky
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    IncredibleLang NTA being married to your dad doesn't make her your mum. just because she is at home with you every day doesn't give her brownie points to get the title of mum and to keep bringing up you can call me mum because i say so isn't a way to earn that either. maybe in a few years she might work towards being your mum and not just keep asking to make it official on her terms.
    via IncredibleLang
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    KiwiAtaahua You are absolutely not in the wrong. You told your truth, and your Dad and his wife don't get to be pissy about it because they have a different picture in their heads about what 'family' looks like. Your Dad is also dropping the ball here: you're his kid, and he should be supporting you no matter what your answer was. Keep your head up, and don't let her changed attitude toward you knock you down. You might consider, once things have calmed down, telling A that you appreciate her be
    via KiwiAtaahua
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    LavenderKitty1 NTA. You already have a mother. Your father and step mother don't get to erase her.
    via LavenderKitty1

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